also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Shame - the story of my life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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