To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love having hate sex.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
