we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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