like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
