we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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