Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
