I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
