never play flip cup with pint glasses
accomplished twins. life is a go
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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