Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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