you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize