Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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