I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
