I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize