That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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