Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
