That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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