I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
