Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
