If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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