i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
