I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just puked most of my soul out..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
