she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
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Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
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The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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