she woke up with a sticky ear
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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