I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
