Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
