is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Four minutes until I can fart!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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