tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ketchup is God's man juice
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
