So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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