if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
