If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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