If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
