woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
