If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
