I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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