We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
