Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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