Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize