sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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