When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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