he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
