just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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