your parents love me but you hate me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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