i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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