I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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