she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
