fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
