You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
