I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
