I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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