I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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