I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
