he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
