you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
