I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
