why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
