I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
