double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
