My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
