pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
